Of Bike Baskets and McDonald Park

Have you ever had an experience where you’re not sure if you should laugh or cry? The crying would be joyful, of course, because there’s so much emotion welling up inside of you, that it has to spill out somewhere: might as well be tears. Then you realize that the choice itself is funny, and you start laughing like a maniac; everything that caused this is just so wonderful and beautiful that you can’t help but find it funny. You sit there laughing, and then you laugh because you’re laughing, and then you laugh because you’re afraid someone might see you, but who is going to worry about a person who is laughing?

It was one of those evenings.

I’ve been driving around scouting neighborhoods when I get the chance, hoping to find a good place where Laura and I don’t have an awful commute while still feeling relatively safe. Tonight I decided to try Pasadena. I had been there once before, but it was my first time and I was driving…and I was lost. Bad combination for me learning to like a place. From the maps, the commute seemed easy, so decided to try a commute from school to Pasadena on a Friday evening. As I’ve mentioned before I love driving and adventuring, so I find this sort of thing fun.
Took me 40 minutes, and only because I zig-zagged through traffic-light territory for 20 minutes trying to find a good route. Not bad. From google maps at home, I decided my adventure would be to visit a bike shop there, and possibly buy a pair of gloves. It was pretty hilarious to me that I passed 2 bike shops on the way there. I ended up getting lost, and ended up at another bike shop, where both gloves AND baskets were on sale! I got back on the road, and headed in the direction of a neighborhood where Craig’s List was giving a lot of affordable housing results.

I thought it would be dodgy, but it was actually pretty cute. I didn’t get to the exact spot I wanted to see, but I was pretty close. Here’s where it gets funny (to me).

After the bike shop, I was just in a really good mood. I had been driving through a beautiful section of town full of bungalows and victorian mansions. I happened upon that shop by mistake, but just felt really blessed that I had the money to buy the things I wanted to make my life easier. It made me feel happy, and at the same time a little overwhelmed. Who am I that all this comes my way? Who am I that I have all I need, and sometimes am even able to have things I want? I really wanted to have some “Jesus time” in a park (or parking lot), so I asked him if he could lead me to one. He did. A few turns I felt impressed to make even took me past Fuller, and this idea came to me that even though I let go of some passions in my life (see previous post, I had considered Fuller), that doesn’t mean they are gone forever. Not that I’m planning on going there, but it was just a hope that God sees me and knows my needs and wants, and works in my life accordingly to use them to his glory. That makes me happy. :) But I digress (I do that a lot). As I said, I came to a park. A really nice one, in fact. Reminded me of one near my grandparents’ house in Iowa, and made me happy and remembering family. I wished I had my Bible on me, but instead I took my scrap with directions on it an a pen from my purse, and sat down at a picnic table. That’s when I almost started to cry, and then started laughing like a crazy person. It felt good. Not that I haven’t laughed in a while—hanging out with Laura makes my face hurt. This was different, just a lightness and a joy that I really can’t describe. The hilarity of it all…I asked God to show me a park so I could go talk to him and praise him, and he lead me right to one!! I remembered a verse spoken over me a few years ago that I may have brought up already: Isaiah 30:21. “Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, ‘This is the way you should go,’ whether to the right or the left.”

WOW. I think that’s what made me laugh so much, seeing how literal he could be! I hadn’t even thought about that verse until I was sitting at the table and I just busted out. I can’t believe how much God loves me, and wants to reveal himself to me. I need to spend more time in prayer with him, I need more “face time.” For someone I love so much, I don’t seek him out so often. Sure I’m mindful of him throughout the day, but that’s like being in the same room with someone but not talking to them. When Laura’s in the room, I can’t shut up. Sometimes I wish he’d speak to me, but I guess I don’t really wait to listen. He pursues me in so many ways, but I always want more without giving back. Why do I have to be so selfish about it, so needy?

While I was at the table, I wasn't really sure what to say or what to ask for, other than to just keep thanking him for his provision and blessings over and over again. One of the best things I had heard all week was from a friend regarding my apartment, he said "Congratulations on turning a VERY small apartment into a home." That made my heart so happy. My furniture is mostly from the curb and I don't have a "real" kitchen, but I'm glad I can make it comfortable for guests even. Back to the table, I ended up just taking my pen and in the small spaces on the scrap writing the names of God and declaring who he is over my life. I wrote some of it in Greek, and it made me happy that I could draw what I thought was a dead portion of my education in order to praise him. I sucked at Greek, despite how badly I wanted to learn it. One of the many things "I'd like to do" is re-learn it. Seeing Fuller and then just having Greek randomly come out of me again after 7 years was awesome. Just lots of things coming together to speak hope over my life that God has a plan for me and this hodge-podge of education, passions, and interests he's put in me. I still feel selfish for writing that, though, because in all honesty, who AM I that he would sing over me like this!?!?!

(and i want to reiterate that i am NOT planning on going to Fuller, just the sight of it spoke something to me is all!)