On Sunday, our pastor read this passage from a Puritan book of devotion called “The Valley of Vision.” I’ve never read any Puritan writing before; despite the bad wrap they’ve gotten in popular culture, everyone I know who’s into theology and has read them seems to like them. I may have to start. This piece struck me for its almost John Donne-ish passion and ecstasy, something I certainly hadn’t associated with that movement.
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O Father of Jesus,
Help me to approach thee with deepest reverence, not with presumption,
not with servile fear, but with holy boldness.
Thou art beyond the grasp of my understanding,
but not beyond that of my love,
Thou knowest that I love thee supremely,
for thou art supremely adorable, good, perfect.

My heart melts at the love of Jesus,
my brother, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh,
married to me, dead for me, risen for me;
He is mine and I am his,
given to me as well as for me;
I am never so much mine as when I am his,
or so much lost to myself until lost in him;
then I find my true manhood.

But my love is frost and cold, ice and snow;
Let his love warm me,
lighten my burden,
be my heaven;
May it be more revealed to me in all its influences
that my love to him may be more fervent and glowing;
Let the mighty tide of his everlasting love
cover the rocks of my sin and care;
Then let my spirit float above those things
which had else wrecked my life.

Make me fruitful by living to that love,
my character becoming more beautiful every day.
If traces of Christ's love-artistry be upon me,
may he work on with his divine brush
until the complete image be obtained
and I be made a perfect copy of him, my master.

O Lord Jesus, come to me,
O Divine Spirit, rest upon me,
O Holy Father, look on me in mercy for the sake of the well-beloved.

* * * * * * *

I particularly love the phrase “I am never so much mine as when I am his… but my love is frost and cold, ice and snow, let his love warm me…”
Getting lost in my relationship with Jesus this past year or so has helped me immensely to find myself. Where pain and sorrow have sought to carve away at my heart, I’ve found Jesus filling in the canyons, making level the paths in my life. I feel like I see him much more clearly than I ever have, and I am thrilled to know that my whole life is ahead of me on this route. As an actor, connecting to my partner is still a challenge for me, as it probably will be in life. But bit by bit, I am witnessing my own guard begin to be let down, and realizing that I’m not afraid. Reflecting on relationships, I realize my passion for the marriage commitment: I want to know how Christ loves me unconditionally. Brokenness in my life has kept me from fully grasping that, and I want to see it in a way that I can better understand. I am an overcomer. “My heart melts at the love of Jesus.”